i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
