I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
