3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
