3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently you make a good broom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
