Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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