i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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