The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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