Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
