you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
