Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
