Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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