508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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