Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
