I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
