In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
