Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
