I wish I only lived at night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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