Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
