i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
