Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
