You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
