I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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