ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
