Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
