We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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