I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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