Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Terrible idea I love it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
