We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
