Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
