i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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