So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
