Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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