shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
