I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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