Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
