I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
