i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
