Do you still have your period?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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