you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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