Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
