I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
