Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
