I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
