ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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