His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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