I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
