Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
