I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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