My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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