Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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