Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
