You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
