My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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