there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
