so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
