I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
