Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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