i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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