when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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