come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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