That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
