Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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