Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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