Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she told me i tasted like america
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
